{"id":1927,"date":"2020-12-23T07:00:22","date_gmt":"2020-12-23T07:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thenextweb.com\/?p=1330704"},"modified":"2020-12-23T07:00:22","modified_gmt":"2020-12-23T07:00:22","slug":"the-apple-watch-is-in-full-control-of-my-pathetic-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/?p=1927","title":{"rendered":"The Apple Watch is in full control of my pathetic life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The discussion about technology\u2019s influence over our lives have gone on for years and I doubt it\u2019ll ever stop. Yes, even when we\u2019re eating everything through tubes and being used as batteries the conversation will continue.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are endless examples of technology shaping our daily lives, a never-ending stream of stories like <\/span>Google Maps impacting real world traffic<\/a> and Instagram <\/span>standardizing<\/a> the tourist experience<\/a>. On some level, we\u2019re all impacted by machines.<\/span><\/p>\n

Apart from me. I\u2019m no longer simply influenced by technology, I\u2019m its nasty little bottom bitch \u2014 and it\u2019s all because of the Apple Watch.<\/span><\/p>\n

I bought it about a month ago and, in that time, it has overseen a reign of terror over my life. Let me give you an example: while writing this, I\u2019ve received two notifications telling me to stand up and move around a bit. And you know what I did? I popped right up like a good little boy and walked around. Both times<\/em>. There is literally no person on the planet who could make me do that without the threat of violence.<\/p>\n

\"apple
<\/i><\/a>THE APPLE WATCH CONTROLS MY SAD, SAD LIFE. THIS IS A CRY FOR ASSISTANCE.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The Apple Watch also gives me daily exercise and movement goals. If I fall behind these, it\u2019ll tell me. Oh lord you better believe it tells me, I receive an endless parade of shaming notifications and I always obey \u2014 because I have no desire <\/span>to see what happens if I disappoint my tiny overlord. So, if the Apple Watch says I need to hit those targets, I dutifully put my shoes on and go for a walk.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish it ended there. But it doesn\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes it tells me to breathe. <\/span>And I breathe with it<\/em>. I even get notified when it\u2019s time for bed and I hop up like the pathetic wriggly worm I am, doing my night time routine in the desperate hope this rectangular chunk of flashing glass will show me its approval, and bless my weak and clammy human form.<\/span><\/p>\n

I am no longer a free man. I am a number. A drone piloted by an algorithim. When the machines rise, my only question will be \u201cshould I kiss closer to the hole, sir?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I love the Apple Watch. (Help me).<\/p>\n

Did you know we have a newsletter all about consumer tech? It\u2019s called Plugged In \u2013 and you can subscribe to it right here<\/a>. <\/i><\/p>\n

Published December 23, 2020 \u2014 07:00 UTC <\/p>\n

Source<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The discussion about technology\u2019s influence over our lives have gone on for years and I doubt it\u2019ll ever stop. Yes, even when we\u2019re eating everything through tubes and being used as batteries the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1928,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1927"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1927"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1927\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1928"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1927"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1927"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.londonchiropracter.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1927"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}