Let\u2019s get back to saying \u201cGood morning.\u201d Why is it so different to say that in a direct message, as opposed to saying it out loud in an office? The weirdness, I think, comes down to choice. Saying \u201cGood morning\u201d out loud is reflexive because we\u2019re conditioned to do it. You saw a person, it was morning, so you said good morning like a normal human person.<\/p>\n
Typing \u201cGood morning\u201d and sending it as a direct message, meanwhile, isn\u2019t reflexive at all; on the contrary, it\u2019s an active decision you made. You looked for that coworker, clicked their profile, then used your fingers to type a message. That effort, small as it is, changes the context and meaning of the statement. Even if the literal words are only \u201cGood morning,\u201d the context creates the expectation that you want\u2026something. That can feel weird. The good news: we now understand <\/span>why<\/i> <\/span>this is weird, which means we can make it less weird.<\/p>\n The solution: <\/span>explain why you\u2019re reaching out. It\u2019s really not any more complicated than that.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t say hello without context, and don\u2019t ask someone if they \u201chave time to talk.\u201d Always give a reason why you want to talk to someone.<\/p>\n Reach out to team members and offer to help<\/strong><\/p>\n Whenever a new person joins my team, I like to reach out and tell them I\u2019m around if they have any questions.<\/p>\n I do this to be helpful, first and foremost, but it\u2019s also a great opening for a conversation. I\u2019ll ask how people are finding the job so far, then maybe ask some questions about where they live. Remember: you\u2019re not going to run into new employees in the break room, so you\u2019ve got to create these sorts of conversations yourself. It can feel a little weird, but it\u2019s the only way these chats will happen.<\/p>\n Respond privately to comments made in public channels<\/strong><\/p>\n Another way to start a conversation is to respond privately to something someone said in a public channel. My Zapier coworker Katie told me a few ways she\u2019s done this over the years, and I think it\u2019s a great list.<\/p>\n Katie actually reached out to me a year ago with one of these strategies.<\/p>\n It turns out I really like being told I\u2019m funny, because now we talk regularly. I\u2019m not sure what that says about me.<\/p>\n Be vulnerable<\/strong><\/p>\n Another idea is to share something about yourself. My coworker JC calls this offensive vulnerability, and it works.<\/p>\n It\u2019s also okay if you can\u2019t think of a reason to talk: Just explain that all you want to do is say hello. I find this is enough to remove the weirdness of just saying \u201chi,\u201d especially if you frame it using a little humor. That\u2019s my general strategy.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t take delays personally<\/strong><\/p>\n Did you reach out to someone? Good. Now go do something else.<\/p>\n It can be tempting to leave the window open and wait for a response, and sometimes people will respond immediately. But sometimes they won\u2019t, and that\u2019s okay. Everyone at your company has things to do, and that means not responding to every message right away. This can be a bit of an adjustment if you\u2019re accustomed to in-person conversation, but it\u2019s important that you get used to it. It\u2019s nothing personal\u2014just the nature of online communication.<\/p>\n You, presumably, also have things you should be doing. Do them! You\u2019ll hear back eventually.<\/p>\n Respect the back-and-forth<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n The best in-person conversations are not one-sided\u2014they have a natural give and take. Online conversation also works best this way, even if it doesn\u2019t happen in real time. If you want your conversations to feel natural, you need to respect this back-and-forth. This means asking a question, waiting for people to respond, and only following up after that happens.<\/p>\n Do not, under any circumstances, send a trickle of messages to someone you only kind of know. That is going to be weird for everyone involved.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t make it weird. Send one message, then wait for a response. Assume that your coworker saw the message and will respond, or not, on their own time. Don\u2019t follow up on the same day (unless you actually need a response, for work reasons).<\/p>\n There\u2019s always the chance that someone legitimately didn\u2019t see your message, or saw it and forgot to respond. If you think that\u2019s the case, it\u2019s probably okay to send another message, ideally the following day. But if someone continually doesn\u2019t respond when you reach out, please: take the hint. Some people won\u2019t want to talk to you outside a work context, and that\u2019s okay. Sure, it would be nice of them to be transparent about it and let you know they\u2019re not interested in chatting, but regardless, don\u2019t press the issue.<\/p>\n Respect people\u2019s status and set your own<\/strong><\/p>\n Apps like Slack let you set a status, which is a great way to let people know that you\u2019re doing focused work or that you\u2019re otherwise unable to respond. Pay attention to these and don\u2019t reach out to chat when someone is busy.<\/p>\n For example, I try not to use Slack while I\u2019m writing, so I set my status in Slack to \u201cWriting,\u201d complete with a typewriter emoji.<\/p>\n My coworkers know that I won\u2019t respond quickly when they see this status.<\/p>\n You should also set up a status for yourself. You can do this manually, or you make it so your <\/span>Slack status changes automatically<\/a> <\/span>based on your calendar, time tracking app, or to-do list. Either way, it helps your coworkers know when you\u2019re available to chat and when you\u2019re not.<\/p>\n Small interactions matter<\/strong><\/p>\n Working from home can be lonely, but it doesn\u2019t have to be. It\u2019s just a matter of learning how to communicate in a different environment. And you should take the time to learn this skill because small interactions throughout the day matter\u2014and they can lead to lasting relationships.<\/p>\n We\u2019re all human. We want to be seen by others, and to see others clearly. We need connection. There\u2019s nothing weird about that. Just take the time to learn how to best do this online, in ways that make everyone comfortable.<\/p>\n Speaking of weird: the above screenshots where I was being all creepy were staged.<\/p>\n Just wanted to clear that up.<\/p>\n Published February 1, 2021 \u2014 08:30 UTC <\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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